Lights That Dim
by Team M
Summary: Christmas never looked as good as it did that year with him. A short Christmas oneshot! Niley.


**2006.**

She glanced at the lights, smiling as she walked around in the cold California air. Or, at least cold compared to the summer sun she had gotten used to. The lights lit up her face and her boyfriend simply watched her be amazed. Something on her expression made him believe in magic. She was like a little girl in that way that her Christmas spirit hadn't been ruined yet. At thirteen it wasn't too often you saw that.

He squeezed the hand he was holding as they walked around the block and somehow, if it was possible, it was almost like her smile got bigger. She looked at him, pointing out small details of each house while he pretended to listen.

"Remember when we believed in Santa?" she would ask cheerily. He would always grin, nodding. He remembered how amazing it was to believe in things like that.

"I love Christmas," she repeated the phrase for the millionth time that night.

"I wouldn't have ever noticed," he smirked at her while she rapidly spun on the sidewalk, jumping, using all the energy she didn't use when she was younger.

"There's just something so magical about it!" she chanted, running back to him and giving him a hug. "Everyone's always so happy, you know?"

"Well, yeah, around you. I'd hate to be the one who told you Christmas isn't all it's cracked up to be," he noted, pulling her along the street. "C'mon, we can go have a movie marathon."

"Christmas movies with hot chocolate?" she asked him, that cheeky smile on her face.

He nodded, smiling. "Of course."

She grabbed his hand, leading him back home. She could only wish every Christmas to come would be like this. So magical, beautiful, stunning. It was perfect, and she didn't want it to end. It really was the most wonderful time of the year.

"What do you want most for Christmas?" she asked, talking at a hundred miles per hour.

"All I want for Christmas is you," he grabbed her waist, smiling. "And look at that, I have you. I am one lucky guy."

She looked up at him. "You'll always have me."

"One day you'll find someone better," he told her. He believed it, but she knew the truth. This guy in front of her? It just didn't get better than that.

"That's impossible. I'll always love you," she promised. "I don't want things to ever change."

In that moment, that day, that small hour, she was happiest. If you would ask her now, she'd tell you the same thing she would have then. She'd give anything to stay in that lifetime forever.

**2007.**

She glanced at the lights, looking away. Brandi sighed, shaking her head as they drove. She didn't understand why she would break up with him if she would be so depressed. But that wasn't a first. No one ever understood them. Although she especially didn't understand why they would break up with each other _before_ Christmas and New Years. Did she really want an awkward performance next week? There wasn't a single way it wouldn't be.

"What are you thinking about?"

Miley shrugged, watching the small town pass them by on the highway and the lights disappear for a few minutes. "I had to do it. The fights were just too much."

Brandi nodded. "It's not your fault, Sweetie. It wasn't working out."

Yeah, Miley thought. Easy for Brandi say when she's been with the same guy for a bajillion years. She probably forgot what heartbreak feels like by now.

"Can I be alone for a few minutes?" Miley whispered.

Brandi nodded, trying to give her space, not knowing that the space would be lasting for the next year. Christmas never looked as dull as it did when she wrote that ten page letter. It wasn't bright anymore. The lights didn't light up the universe and glow off happiness. This year, she was depressed. It was understandable, but she was still so indescribably depressed. She knew it would just be that year, but it still hurt. He ruined not only her, but her favorite holiday too.

Next Christmas couldn't be so bad.

**2008.**

She glanced at the lights, tears coming to her eyes as she wanted to cry. Because she could remember a time when she was actually happy to see all of this. The lights, the breeze, the spirit, she used to be so astonished by it. Now, it could barely pull one of those fake smiles to her face.

Don't get her wrong, Justin made her happy, he really did, but even after all these never-ending months, she still remembered one Christmas vividly. That one Christmas that no one could ever top. The Christmas from two years ago when she felt complete. Something was still missing this year. Something other than Nick. As terrifying it was, Miley was pretty sure it was the Christmas spirit – the one thing she swore she'd never give up.

"You alright, babe?" Justin asked, wrapping an arm around her.

"Fine," she whispered.

He nodded, giving her her space while he went back to talking with her parents.

"I don't know why she's been so out of it lately," she heard her mom talk about her as if she wasn't there. And in a way she wasn't.

"I bet I know," Brandi mumbled beside her. Miley glared at her, because she didn't know anything. She couldn't even begin to understand what was going on. She didn't know what this day used to mean to her. It was like her wedding day before, and now it's practically a funeral.

She looked over to Nick's lit up house and bit her lip, looking down, the tears coming to her eyes. The lights were on, an extra familiar looking car in their driveway. It looked like the clones were back again. She didn't understand how she was so easy to replace. It took them less than a month to forget her. She turned her back to the window, in a way trying to turn her back on her entire past. She wished it was that easy.

She didn't know why she was felt so low. Lately, the days had been getting better. Sometimes, she was able to wake up with a real grin and make that fake spark she perfected glimmer in eyes while she murmured the two words everyone wanted to hear. She's fine. It had been getting easier and for a few months there she even thought she was happy.

Today proved her wrong. It was almost worst than June eleventh. _Almost._ She wondered if everyone was that way. Maybe, after that one Christmas that couldn't get any better, it just never looks the same anymore. It's hard to be a Christmas mood when it's been so much better in the past. It wasn't the same, no matter how much people tried to make it be. Christmas never looks the same twice in a row.

**2009.**

She glanced at the lights, finally able to see them from the point of view that had been missing the past few years. The point of view of happiness. She looked from side to side and couldn't help but smile at the three boys that were back on her team. It had been two years too long since she'd been this happy.

Sure, they were all just friends, and yeah, it was killing her not to grab Nick's hand while they walked up and down, up and down the side walk, but this was better than nothing. Being friends with Nick again was better than any other boyfriend could stand for. He was too important to block out completely.

"So, Miley."

"So, Joe," she laughed back, mimicking him.

Nick smiled at the two of them, not sure how the four of them somehow pulled it together this past year, but glad that they managed to "reconnect". He wished it could be more, but knew better than make the same mistakes twice. He was still dating Selena – even if it was for publicity now – and the last thing he could see was Miley stumbling down the dark path she took the year before.

"Marry, fuck, kill. Me, Nick, and Kevin."

Miley crossed her arms, and while all of the brothers would kill to know her answer, all three knew that they didn't stand a chance. "I'm not doing that."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"Because you said so?" he repeated. "You're such a diva. Just do it."

"Okay," she grinned and only Nick knew that she'd thought of some smartass comment she had to share with the world. "I'd marry Nick, because of obvious reasons. I'd fuck Kevin because he didn't make me do this, and I'd kill you 'cause you're a pain in my ass."

"Oh, Miley, I've missed you so much," Joe sulked, his sarcasm dripping.

"Joe, leave her alone," Nick rolled his eyes just as his cellphone rang. He glanced at the caller ID before sliding it back in his pocket.

"Who was it?" Kevin asked innocently.

"No one important," Nick stated vaguely. They all knew who that meant, though. There was only one name that everyone avoided saying around Miley. She never understood why, but she was glad they all did. She didn't want to hear the other girl's name. It was still hard to watch him move on, even if it was just pretending.

"Selena?" she asked, one eyebrow slightly raised in a face that only she could make sexy.

"Yeah."

"What if it's important?"

Nick shrugged, wrapping an arm around Miley. "Sucks for her, I guess."

She smiled looking up at him, finally enjoying a Christmas for once. Maybe the years of bitterness were gone.

"Thanks," she mumbled.

That one word meant so much more, though. To all of them.

**2010.**

She glanced at the lights, closing her eyes as she heard someone come up from behind her. She didn't want to talk about her mistakes right now, but when this was the only person she had to talk about them with and she wouldn't talk to him again for another few months, what other choice did she have?

"You disappointed?" she asked.

"Yeah," he murmured.

She nodded, turning her head around to look at him. "I figured you would be."

"I just know you're better than that," he explained.

Miley shrugged, because lately, she couldn't be to sure. Was she really any better than the bong? She did it. She was disappointed in herself, too. She was feeling the same thing as Nick, the only difference was for some crazy reason he still believed in her. He still thought she was good, even after the past year.

"I _know_, Miley," he repeated to her firmly, trying to make her believe the words.

"I heard you," she told him, facing out the window, trying to focus on anything. Anything other than him.

He sighed. "Why'd you do it?"

She kept staring, trying to block him out. She had to, she couldn't tell him. No, she couldn't even start with why she tried it because it sounded stupid even to her. She was having a moment of weakness and Anna was there. She couldn't let him know how pathetic she really was. Not when he still thought highly of her. Not when he was the _only _one who thought highly of her. He had her on a pedestal winning an award when she should be looked down on.

"I know you heard me," he took one small step closer to her. "Why'd you do it?"

"Because I wanted to feel high," she told him.

Nick shook his head, putting one hand on her shoulder. That was the biggest load of bullshit he'd ever heard.

"Look at me," he ordered.

Miley shook her head.

"Look at me," he repeated.

"No."

"_Look_ at me," he repeated once again, and Miley knew he wouldn't give up.

She slowly turned around and he saw the way her eyes were clouded over. He saw how worn thin that smile was looking even if no one else did.

"What's going on?" he asked, giving her a chance to answer before going back to the previous question. "Why did you do it?"

"I'm not gonna tell you," she told him defiantly.

That defiant tone was fake.

"Tell me," he plead.

She slowly met eyes with him before diverting her gaze elsewhere and shaking her head. "I can't. It's-It's too stupid to even say outloud."

"It's not stupid if you feel it," he protested. "Your feelings _aren't_ stupid, and you need to believe that."

"I _do_ but this was stupid, Nick!" she snapped, and they suddenly both fell silent. She knew that she had to give an explanation just like he knew she was on the verge of breaking down. "I... I can't tell you."

"I won't laugh at you," he promised.

She closed her eyes, not letting the emotion go through. "I needed to feel loved again."

"By who?"

"Anyone."

He wanted to laugh at how ridiculous that statement was, but the fear in her eyes told him to do otherwise.

"You're the most famous-"

"That means _nothing_. Sometimes fans aren't enough," she shook her head, turning back to the window. "I knew you wouldn't understand."

"And I knew you wouldn't... People love you, you're just to closed off to even see beyond your walls anymore," he sighed. "I wish you saw how wrong you were on some things."

She didn't turn around and he knew that the few moments of vulnerability he'd just gotten of her was the only words he'd be hearing for the night and the next few months. He looked around, not knowing if this would be the last time in her room or not, but taking it all in just in case. His eyes caught a picture of her four years ago when the smile was actually real and he tore his eyes away from it as if it burned him to look at, because he knew that no matter how hard he tried, he could never bring that side out of her again.

He started to walk out, pausing at the door before continuing. "Merry Christmas, Miles."

She barely heard it, but she was positive she'd heard the words right as she looked down at her hands, one lone tear falling. Somehow, it didn't seem so merry anymore.

**hi, im melissa, and i like depressing endings.**

**ha, hope you liked it! Merry Christmas! (: my break starts next weeek. whoop. maybe i can update for once. reviews are lovely. ;]**

**twitter / xwalkingonstars.**


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